Range Rover Autobiography signs off in style

By James Martin

When you're large, it's important to be well-dressed. As a 1.9m lad whose waistline won't always stay within agreed limits, I know this better than anybody.

There are some basic rules that help: you don't want a broad lapel, you don't want stripes or bright colours, you don't want pleats in your trousers and you probably want to avoid double-breasted suits. I've also been told that having your top and bottom in different colours helps break up the bigness.

All I can say is, someone needs to tell the great British public. We're a big lot, as a quick look at the "X Factor" auditions will tell you Range Rovers just get better and more stylish . I was watching it in September and could only wonder what goes through people's minds to think that (a) they can sing and (b) they can go out of the house dressed like that.

One girl stomped onto the stage to do her bit and, although I've got a widescreen, she only just managed to fit on the telly. Why do only fat girls wear leggings? Anyway, she opened her mouth and out came a sound like... an angel? Sadly, no. More like a bull-moose being castrated. I wasn't really surprised but there are some plus-size people on the show who sing and dress. Big can be beautiful.

Take the great Great British Range Rover, the only car to have a trim level called Vogue (I've always loved that: it's not exactly Twiggy, is it?). When most other "Made in England" cars were being hunted to extinction by the big beasts of globalisation Range Rovers just got better and more stylish, colonising driveways from Beverly Hills via Brunei to Johannesburg It's a last chance to try a brilliant piece of engineering .

But that's the problem, isn't it? The world has changed, and now conspicuous luxury is out of fashion. Like those big-boned singers on the "X Factor" stage, to drive one of these is to expose yourself to boos, catcalls, rude gestures and - this happened to me! - people spitting on your windows.

This is the 2010 model, in range-topping Autobiography spec (two grades above Vogue) and with a brilliant new five-litre, supercharged V8. The Spittle Brigade won't like it one bit - although it claims to be more than seven percent cleaner than the old 4.2-litre V8, that still leaves it emitting a whopping 348g/km.

To put that in context, the UK government's tax bands go from less than 100g/km (the tax-exempt Band A) to more than 255g/km (the most expensive Band M). So this baby could lose a third of its emissions and still be in the "most dirty" category.

But I guarantee that if you got behind the wheel you'd find a way to forgive it. Call it fiddling while Rome burns but I see it as a last chance to try a brilliant piece of engineering. Land Rover is already working on super-green replacements for all of its engines, so let's give this one a proper send-off.

The 380kW V8 is the same one used in Jaguar's flagship XJ and the way it moves this two-and-a-half-ton lump of steel and aluminium is nothing short of miraculous. I soon found myself accelerating, cornering and braking as if I were in a sports car.

The new adaptive dampers are the kind they use in fast Mercs, Jags and Beemers, smoothing out the ride when you're on the straight and stiffening up when you turn. Where the old car rolled around like a fairground ride, this one digs into the corners. It gives you a huge sense of confidence.